Diary of a lover
by Harvestmoon-21
Summary: A diary of Hermione and what she feels like after the one she loves reads here diary in front of all his slytheren friends


Diary of a lover

Hermione sits in her bed after a long day. Draco got her diary and read it out load. Everything she had ever felt about him was in this book. Why, why had she written? But she had to, she had to write what was on her mind if she didn't she would go insane. She already cuts herself it is the only way to deal with the pain. Here is an entry, one of the last, from her diary you might not understand how she feels unless you go thought the same thing. All of the entries in here diary is in poem form and not dated. The diary is personal and privet to her but the one person she didn't ever want to get there hands on it got it. Here you go, here is all her pain...

Why, how, can I trust you?

You think you know what is going on in my life,

you don't.

you think you can help me,

you can't

No one has yet

why do you think you will be the first,

the first to push threw

the first to see the real me

you can't

you wont

you never will

never will save me

never will help me

I'm a good liar,

a good player

you think I'm happy

once and a while yes

school is save

or was

was until you

now the only thing that is safe is this book

the book you take

the book you read

but still the book doesn't talk

doesn't try to be nice

it is just here

here to comfort

here to guide

you will be the first to know

the first to read this

the first to maybe understand

it is what I want

I want help

I need help

but how

how can I except it

It might be a trick

I might be lied to

made fun of

kicked to the ground

stepped on

I don't know why

but I trust you

just in the slightest bit

just enough to let you read this

let you read the thoughts,

the insecurities,

the feelings,

I shouldn't trust you

I don't trust them

not my friends,

why are you there

why are you to be the only

only one that reads this

my God

am I insane

I must be

I want help

need it even

but to ask

to tell

to show fear

weakness

hope.

I can't

I can't do it

will I really let you read this

I don't know

can I trust you

should I trust you

I want help

yet

I don't want anyone to know

my life is better

better then it was

better then it has ever been

but still

still there is abuse

pain, suffering, and hope

I can't have these

These thoughts

the thoughts that tell me to trust

to hope to pray

I have tried

tried to pray

but I don't trust God

How can I, he hurt me

hurt me bad

he took away my family,

made them mean, cruel, cold hearted

he made me trust, hope, love

all of the emotions that kill

God

I am stupid

just like they say

just like everyone says

you wonder

wonder who abuses me

to bad I can't tell

never will

I can't stand it

I can't stand being true,

open, unprotected

But I have to talk

have to let it out

I can't live with it forever

I need help

someone who understands

but you

why you

how can I trust you

you made my haven hell

I know I helped

I gave you the tools

but that is who I am

I try to hurt myself

why

so when someone hurts me it won't be painful

not as painful as it could be

again I ask

why do I trust you

should I trust you

why can I trust you

trust leads to pain

pain leads to crying

crying leads to abuse

and abuse leads to more pain

will you ever read this

probably not

and if so

don't tell

don't tell them who I am

what I do

how I cry

I trust you, and you alone

but why, how

you might read this

if you do I am sorry

sorry for everything

I didn't mean to

to put you in this position

I am truly sorry

please if you want

ignore me, pretend I'm not here

one day I wont

wont be here

here to screw everything up

here to cry

here to trust

I wish I was different

but I'm not

My life is a movie

a tragic movie

when will it be over

who knows

noone cares

I'm sorry again

sorry for putting this all on you

I'm sure I will soon be gone

gone from myself,

from the pain I have inflected

sorry for those I have broke

you wont ever be the same

same as you were before you read this

before you read about me

and I'm sorry

sorry to do that to you

I can't name you

you can never be in here

never

never in this self pity

hate everything

everything about me

but I can't help it

the pain is self inflected

all of it

and still

still I have pity

I shouldn't

I hate people with self-pity

So I hate myself

I'm sorry

sorry for everything

sorry for throwing it all out there

tell, tell everyone if you want

I wont be here tomorrow if you do

I can't handle it

can't handle all the looks

the stairs

so you have my life in your hands

all of it

to do with as you please

and I am sorry

sorry for the load

sorry for everything

sorry that I trust you

and you alone

and yet all I can say is sorry

I can't take it back

take back what I have said

what I have done

and I am sorry

God I hate that word

what does it mean anyway

sorry, sorry, sorry

sorry I killed you

sorry I took your life away

sorry I raped you

sorry, sorry, sorry

this is all I can say

all I can do

why, how can I trust you


End file.
